I've got to share this ........
Yesterday, while running errands and some window shopping at Great World City, I experienced something that I thought could only happen in Russel Peters comedy act. When it happened to me, I had to share this with you people!!
I was looking at a pair of shoes in a shop with no intention at all to buy. A staff approached and spoke in salivated-Engrish, convincing me to take a seat and try the pair of shoe. Told her I was just looking at it..... Anyway, I obliged and took a seat after telling her that my preferred shoe size is 10 half U.S.
She came back later, hand me the shoe and said......
Staff : Sir, how about size 9?
Me : Huh?? (I was taken aback by her dumbness of trying to negotiate my shoe size)
Staff : Try size 9 lor... maybe can.
Me : How about I can't change my shoe size?
Staff : Sir, u must try first. You don't try, you won't know.....
Me : WTF??!! I need size 10 half.
Staff : No more 10 half.... try size please. Maybe can.
Another staff member joined in the conversation......
2nd staff : Sir, maybe your socks is too thick.
Me : Are you blaming my socks now? How can it be thick? It's NIKE Dri-Fit socks.
2nd staff : Maybe try our socks........
Me : Huh?? WTF??
Maybe these staff get commission just by making people sit and try on shoes and socks. I didn't know that size 9 is equivalent to size 10 half......? I don't even know that people negotiate about shoe size.
For those of you who are familiar with Russel Peters shows, you would remember his skit about retails staff trying to negotiate his shoes and pant's size. This morning I called Russel and told him about the incident. He didn't laugh, in fact, he said, "Do you think I was making that shit up? That thing really happen..... in CHINA!!"
If you're wondering how true this story is, or wanna try for yourself...... go to EVERBEST at GWC, level 1 opposite Body Shop. Must ask for a pair of men's semi-high shoes, size 10 half. See what kind of response you get.
SHIET!!!!!
Friday, June 26, 2009
"They way you make me feel...."
Many a years ago, when I growing up, I was in a school who had one of the best dance crew on the island. We were always getting invitations to perform at other schools events, corporate events and event shows at the malls. Those were back in the 80s. Why were we very good at that time? It is because, all of us wanted to be like Janet Jackson and Micheal Jackson......... YES! We wanted to be like MJ!! We would try and imitate the Wacko even at how he dress up. Our pants were shorter than the school's expectations but we were damn good! well, except for me..... I was just OK.
Many years past, some of my school mates went on to become teachers, doctors, bankers, drunkards and assholes. Me, I went on to pursue my dream of performing in front of crowds, whether its DJ-ing, playing in a band, dance, emcee-ing or even stand-ups. Maybe, I was a lil' like MJ, always seeking attention, confused and the refusal of growing up. The only difference is........ I don't like smelling young boy's booty.
This morning, I woke up to a phone call from the States. Jermaine called me to say that his younger brother had passed due to heart complications. It was dreadful way to start a Friday.
Immediately, I felt something thingly in my stomache. I remember clearly that he was the only artiste that my parents would sit and watch with me. And of course, I grew up watching him and few others. That thingly feeling in the stomache was still there....... I had to run off to the toilet quickly.
While in the toilet, I reminisce the days when we would dance to Micheal's songs at FIRE Disco, imitating his dance moves. Then, I started to think and join the others in mourning. It feels like MJ had something to do with my life. Maybe, what I am now is all because of MJ. Like the rest, I went to FACEBOOK and poured my deepest feelings about the Wacko. Suddenly, everybody is sad that he was gone. At least he didn't go alone. He hitched a ride together with Farah Fawcett and Ed McMahon.
Much later on, after the 'thingly' feeling, I realized...... Damnit!! MJ got nothing to do with my life. He didn't even know or remember me. Even though we met at Mt. Elizabeth Hospital many years ago, I don't think he remembered me. Yes, I grew up listening to him, but I also listened to Scorpions (its a Mat Rock thing), Madonna, Naked Eyes and Helloween. In fact, I got to where I am NOT because of MJ..... damnit!! I had to sacrifice my own shit to get here!! While I was working hard, MJ was in Neverland, playing with young boys. I had sacrifice family, relationships, time and more relationships...... and MJ was not there to lend me his glove.
I'm sorry that his time has come. Yeah, it's sad that an icon has left us. But, will life stops here? Are we gettin' tax rebate for mourning the whole weekend? If I'm gettin' laid for mourning, maybe I'll do just that. Girls love sentimental guys, don't they?
Frankly, I am quite saddened by his passing..... BUT, I didn't feel as much when James Brown left. In fact, I'm more saddened about a report by some American red-neck group saying that ALLAH is the younger cousin of SATAN and Muslims are nephews of SATAN (huh? Satan got cousin's and nephews??)
Anyway, its a Friday. Mourn at your most convenience. If you need a shoulder to cry on, let me know. To add to your misery, here's something to piss you OFF!! Biatch!!
Katt did this stand-up a couple years ago...... he's not feeling sorry, so do I!!
RIP Micheal Jackson
Many a years ago, when I growing up, I was in a school who had one of the best dance crew on the island. We were always getting invitations to perform at other schools events, corporate events and event shows at the malls. Those were back in the 80s. Why were we very good at that time? It is because, all of us wanted to be like Janet Jackson and Micheal Jackson......... YES! We wanted to be like MJ!! We would try and imitate the Wacko even at how he dress up. Our pants were shorter than the school's expectations but we were damn good! well, except for me..... I was just OK.
Many years past, some of my school mates went on to become teachers, doctors, bankers, drunkards and assholes. Me, I went on to pursue my dream of performing in front of crowds, whether its DJ-ing, playing in a band, dance, emcee-ing or even stand-ups. Maybe, I was a lil' like MJ, always seeking attention, confused and the refusal of growing up. The only difference is........ I don't like smelling young boy's booty.
This morning, I woke up to a phone call from the States. Jermaine called me to say that his younger brother had passed due to heart complications. It was dreadful way to start a Friday.
Immediately, I felt something thingly in my stomache. I remember clearly that he was the only artiste that my parents would sit and watch with me. And of course, I grew up watching him and few others. That thingly feeling in the stomache was still there....... I had to run off to the toilet quickly.
While in the toilet, I reminisce the days when we would dance to Micheal's songs at FIRE Disco, imitating his dance moves. Then, I started to think and join the others in mourning. It feels like MJ had something to do with my life. Maybe, what I am now is all because of MJ. Like the rest, I went to FACEBOOK and poured my deepest feelings about the Wacko. Suddenly, everybody is sad that he was gone. At least he didn't go alone. He hitched a ride together with Farah Fawcett and Ed McMahon.
Much later on, after the 'thingly' feeling, I realized...... Damnit!! MJ got nothing to do with my life. He didn't even know or remember me. Even though we met at Mt. Elizabeth Hospital many years ago, I don't think he remembered me. Yes, I grew up listening to him, but I also listened to Scorpions (its a Mat Rock thing), Madonna, Naked Eyes and Helloween. In fact, I got to where I am NOT because of MJ..... damnit!! I had to sacrifice my own shit to get here!! While I was working hard, MJ was in Neverland, playing with young boys. I had sacrifice family, relationships, time and more relationships...... and MJ was not there to lend me his glove.
I'm sorry that his time has come. Yeah, it's sad that an icon has left us. But, will life stops here? Are we gettin' tax rebate for mourning the whole weekend? If I'm gettin' laid for mourning, maybe I'll do just that. Girls love sentimental guys, don't they?
Frankly, I am quite saddened by his passing..... BUT, I didn't feel as much when James Brown left. In fact, I'm more saddened about a report by some American red-neck group saying that ALLAH is the younger cousin of SATAN and Muslims are nephews of SATAN (huh? Satan got cousin's and nephews??)
Anyway, its a Friday. Mourn at your most convenience. If you need a shoulder to cry on, let me know. To add to your misery, here's something to piss you OFF!! Biatch!!
Katt did this stand-up a couple years ago...... he's not feeling sorry, so do I!!
RIP Micheal Jackson
Thursday, June 25, 2009
I'm Just Itching to blog again........
Here's a lil' tinker for the couples out there...... especially married couples who're trying for a baby. Actually, it got to do with the techniques of 'trying for the baby'........ I'm not an expert in these things, but after reading and some 'editorial research', this is what I have found and sharing with all you funky MOFOs .......
We all know how babies are 'made', the laws of the human anatomy and biology. However, sometimes we are quite unsure how to prevent some things from happening, e.g. how to make sure that your baby is not gonna be a deaf-mute Gay, anorexic, fat or an idiot.
It all starts from foreplay. Yes, it is not during the 'main course', its not how the throbbing rhythm, which position or the kind of noise that you make. Its what you do during FOREPLAY!
Let me explain this. (I didn't make this up. It is a collaboration of myths and beliefs from different tribes of Niggadom.)
If the husband were to go down on the wifey during foreplay, (I'm referring to the use of tongue. Some of you think 'going down' means 'playing with the toes') ...... chances are the baby will have soft, tender skin, with rash-deterrant tissues to protect its tenderness. The rationality to this refers to the molecules from the tongue's reaction during contact with the vagina. This anatomy process is called the 'Vagina Tandoori'.
Directly opposite from that is the female's technique of going 'Low'. Just like the stupid Flo-Rida song, without the right knowledge of the action can cause severe unhappiness for the nation of united idiots. Affectionately known as 'blowjob', it is definitely not as easy as blowing anything. Sometimes, I'm not sure when the 'blowing' comes to affect. I'm sure there are some who literally tried to blow and suck......... as hard as they can. Be careful ladies, you don't want to suck too hard or your man might look like .......
...... and again, the art of 'blowjob' is not that easy to achieve. However, you can start by clicking this. Once again, be careful at how you blow..... too much of blowing will make your babies look like ..............
Be careful....... it may be cute at first. Eventually, the baby will grow up as big as possible due to the fact that the air from 'blowing' will get stuck in the genes of the baby. The end result is unsightful and something you might want to stay away from.
To summarize today's session, before engaging yourself in any action, please understand the meaning, situation, and have a thought of the end-result as it will affect you and people around you. As much as the world does not evolve any individual, it does help to at least give your a girl the finger-job after her willingness to explore Down Under.
*this post is literally dedicated to all the giggly girls who think that they are God's gift to men. The fact is, they are as clueless as their girlfriends and Flo-Rida-wannabee-Mat-boyfriends.
On a different note, you can't help but think that this baby will grow up and do a good blow-job......... as a good trumpeter. (u and your filthy minds!!)
Here's a lil' tinker for the couples out there...... especially married couples who're trying for a baby. Actually, it got to do with the techniques of 'trying for the baby'........ I'm not an expert in these things, but after reading and some 'editorial research', this is what I have found and sharing with all you funky MOFOs .......
We all know how babies are 'made', the laws of the human anatomy and biology. However, sometimes we are quite unsure how to prevent some things from happening, e.g. how to make sure that your baby is not gonna be a deaf-mute Gay, anorexic, fat or an idiot.
It all starts from foreplay. Yes, it is not during the 'main course', its not how the throbbing rhythm, which position or the kind of noise that you make. Its what you do during FOREPLAY!
Let me explain this. (I didn't make this up. It is a collaboration of myths and beliefs from different tribes of Niggadom.)
If the husband were to go down on the wifey during foreplay, (I'm referring to the use of tongue. Some of you think 'going down' means 'playing with the toes') ...... chances are the baby will have soft, tender skin, with rash-deterrant tissues to protect its tenderness. The rationality to this refers to the molecules from the tongue's reaction during contact with the vagina. This anatomy process is called the 'Vagina Tandoori'.
Directly opposite from that is the female's technique of going 'Low'. Just like the stupid Flo-Rida song, without the right knowledge of the action can cause severe unhappiness for the nation of united idiots. Affectionately known as 'blowjob', it is definitely not as easy as blowing anything. Sometimes, I'm not sure when the 'blowing' comes to affect. I'm sure there are some who literally tried to blow and suck......... as hard as they can. Be careful ladies, you don't want to suck too hard or your man might look like .......
...... and again, the art of 'blowjob' is not that easy to achieve. However, you can start by clicking this. Once again, be careful at how you blow..... too much of blowing will make your babies look like ..............
Be careful....... it may be cute at first. Eventually, the baby will grow up as big as possible due to the fact that the air from 'blowing' will get stuck in the genes of the baby. The end result is unsightful and something you might want to stay away from.
To summarize today's session, before engaging yourself in any action, please understand the meaning, situation, and have a thought of the end-result as it will affect you and people around you. As much as the world does not evolve any individual, it does help to at least give your a girl the finger-job after her willingness to explore Down Under.
*this post is literally dedicated to all the giggly girls who think that they are God's gift to men. The fact is, they are as clueless as their girlfriends and Flo-Rida-wannabee-Mat-boyfriends.
On a different note, you can't help but think that this baby will grow up and do a good blow-job......... as a good trumpeter. (u and your filthy minds!!)
Friday, January 30, 2009
re-directed to.......
The Tektilist Propaganda
till next time..... this blog is undergoing re-construction for your viewing, listening, and humouring pleasure.
The Tektilist Propaganda
till next time..... this blog is undergoing re-construction for your viewing, listening, and humouring pleasure.
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